All I have to say is that television is such an amazing object. I don’t mean amazing in that glorious way where I would contemplate on what life would be like without its presence, but rather television is just this wondrous tool that somehow takes me out of reality for at least thirty minutes, if not, three hours.
Part of this wondrous experience is that after watching specific programs, I realize that my life is pretty good. This evening was an overload of TV viewing; the first two hours were the programs I missed from Sunday but thank god for HBO On Demand, it’s like I time traveled. By the way, if you haven’t seen the following shows, you are doomed for a miserable existence on this planet: John From Cincinnati, Entourage, and Flight of the Conchords. This block of programming is the definition of quality.
However, since every word has an antonym and every meaning has an antithesis, TV has its equivalent. Once my HBO sessions came to a final end, Eric and I explored the “other” digital cable channels we never watch (yet pay for). There was some WWE Raw, a documentary on Freddie Mercury (of Queen), rap videos from 1992 (I’m talking Coolio and Will Smith), and Cheaters.
Now, Cheaters is one of the god-awful reality shows that I knew about but never actually seen it. This show is, literally, something else. The premise, for those who don’t know, is that people who have a suspicion that their significant other is, wait for it, cheating on them will go to this tool named Joey Greco (or something really close to that) and he and his crew will research this, spy on the significant other, get footage of some cheating going down, and then go to the original person and show the footage. The episode ends with Joey Greco, the “victim,” and the camera crew confronting the cheating bastard and the whore, who took part, in the midst of some date.
The people who participate in Cheaters (both victim and victimizer) are the highest quality of American culture. The victim, who I found out is usually a woman, is so angry yet so in love with the cheating person that she just doesn’t know what to do with herself. Chances are the woman will tend to have stereotypical “white trash” features, and probably a Southern accent. The cheater will have one of the following: a rat-tail, a lazy eye, or an over-bite (and if you’re lucky, you may catch an episode where all three options are shown). The dialogue in the confrontation is amusing. Joey Greco will try to take on the role of morality. The victim will be the voice of hysteria; such words will be said: “You bastard!” “Why?!” “I loved you!” Then you have the cheater, who will have the classic dumbfounded look and words to follow: “What? What did I do?” “Well, I thought we were broken up after the fight about the TV.” And the third party member who made the cheating happen who will have the statement: “I had no idea.”
After screening a decent run of episodes and seeing what kind of theme of people the show presents, I started reflecting on the other offerings TV had that focused on this population that Cheaters shows a slice of. I created a top three list that best describes the “Less Fortunate of America” I guess you could call it.
3. Cheaters: I realized that you just see a couple, but due to the amount of emotion that is presented, I feel you get a whole experience. It’s as if they’re representing an entire culture.
2. The Jerry Springer Show: I am talking Springer from 1996-1998 when it was good and in its prime. Whether or not the episodes were staged, it did not matter. I saw things I never knew existed.
1. Cops: It never mattered what city they focused on because, somehow, the cops always wound up in the same area. The problem usually dealt with a wife calling the cops about some domestic dispute. You always got the same thing: the husband in his underwear or a pair of shorts, his face censored, and maybe, just maybe, a can of beer in the left hand. The wife probably had frizzled blonde hair, a t-shirt advertising some mountain range she has never been to or a wolf, and her face would also be censored.
“This asshole tried to hit me!” you could feel the rage coming out of her.
“Okay, sir, why were trying to hit her?” Officer #1 would politely ask.
“The crazy bitch was hitting me with her broom. I ain’t trying to hit her,” the husband would plea.
“Ma’am, is this true? Were you hitting him with a broom?” Officer #2 showed some concern with curiosity.
“Well… I mean, he wouldn’t let me have control of the remote!”
“Woman, you know I watch the Nascar highlights after the Wheel is done!”
“I’m sick and tired of the Wheel, you never get them right anyways! When do I get to watch what I want to watch?!”
“When you get a goddamn job…” at this point the cops have slowly migrated back into their patrol car. They tune into dispatch and realized that a major stabbing had just taken place that was about a mile away.
The slices of life that I don’t get to see. God bless my television.
Part of this wondrous experience is that after watching specific programs, I realize that my life is pretty good. This evening was an overload of TV viewing; the first two hours were the programs I missed from Sunday but thank god for HBO On Demand, it’s like I time traveled. By the way, if you haven’t seen the following shows, you are doomed for a miserable existence on this planet: John From Cincinnati, Entourage, and Flight of the Conchords. This block of programming is the definition of quality.
However, since every word has an antonym and every meaning has an antithesis, TV has its equivalent. Once my HBO sessions came to a final end, Eric and I explored the “other” digital cable channels we never watch (yet pay for). There was some WWE Raw, a documentary on Freddie Mercury (of Queen), rap videos from 1992 (I’m talking Coolio and Will Smith), and Cheaters.
Now, Cheaters is one of the god-awful reality shows that I knew about but never actually seen it. This show is, literally, something else. The premise, for those who don’t know, is that people who have a suspicion that their significant other is, wait for it, cheating on them will go to this tool named Joey Greco (or something really close to that) and he and his crew will research this, spy on the significant other, get footage of some cheating going down, and then go to the original person and show the footage. The episode ends with Joey Greco, the “victim,” and the camera crew confronting the cheating bastard and the whore, who took part, in the midst of some date.
The people who participate in Cheaters (both victim and victimizer) are the highest quality of American culture. The victim, who I found out is usually a woman, is so angry yet so in love with the cheating person that she just doesn’t know what to do with herself. Chances are the woman will tend to have stereotypical “white trash” features, and probably a Southern accent. The cheater will have one of the following: a rat-tail, a lazy eye, or an over-bite (and if you’re lucky, you may catch an episode where all three options are shown). The dialogue in the confrontation is amusing. Joey Greco will try to take on the role of morality. The victim will be the voice of hysteria; such words will be said: “You bastard!” “Why?!” “I loved you!” Then you have the cheater, who will have the classic dumbfounded look and words to follow: “What? What did I do?” “Well, I thought we were broken up after the fight about the TV.” And the third party member who made the cheating happen who will have the statement: “I had no idea.”
After screening a decent run of episodes and seeing what kind of theme of people the show presents, I started reflecting on the other offerings TV had that focused on this population that Cheaters shows a slice of. I created a top three list that best describes the “Less Fortunate of America” I guess you could call it.
3. Cheaters: I realized that you just see a couple, but due to the amount of emotion that is presented, I feel you get a whole experience. It’s as if they’re representing an entire culture.
2. The Jerry Springer Show: I am talking Springer from 1996-1998 when it was good and in its prime. Whether or not the episodes were staged, it did not matter. I saw things I never knew existed.
1. Cops: It never mattered what city they focused on because, somehow, the cops always wound up in the same area. The problem usually dealt with a wife calling the cops about some domestic dispute. You always got the same thing: the husband in his underwear or a pair of shorts, his face censored, and maybe, just maybe, a can of beer in the left hand. The wife probably had frizzled blonde hair, a t-shirt advertising some mountain range she has never been to or a wolf, and her face would also be censored.
“This asshole tried to hit me!” you could feel the rage coming out of her.
“Okay, sir, why were trying to hit her?” Officer #1 would politely ask.
“The crazy bitch was hitting me with her broom. I ain’t trying to hit her,” the husband would plea.
“Ma’am, is this true? Were you hitting him with a broom?” Officer #2 showed some concern with curiosity.
“Well… I mean, he wouldn’t let me have control of the remote!”
“Woman, you know I watch the Nascar highlights after the Wheel is done!”
“I’m sick and tired of the Wheel, you never get them right anyways! When do I get to watch what I want to watch?!”
“When you get a goddamn job…” at this point the cops have slowly migrated back into their patrol car. They tune into dispatch and realized that a major stabbing had just taken place that was about a mile away.
The slices of life that I don’t get to see. God bless my television.
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