Okay, before I get into things, I need to state something. For all you driving with broken headlights… knock it off! For the love of god, having someone behind you or someone driving the lane opposite you without a headlight is annoying. However, I think the more annoying scenario is when the driver decides to replace that headlight with the goddamn high beam. When I see those cars, I suddenly want something bad to happen to them. Not death, but more like when they get home they see that their dog has crapped all over the house due to its sensing of a soon-to-come earthquake. And yes, when that earthquake comes, Mr. One High-beam will lose everything except for the box of memories of his ex-girlfriend who he absolutely hates but for some reason cannot let go of the memories.
Now, on to lighter things; I have been away. My laptop was down due to a corruption in the internal colonel. Not my language, but that seemed to be the problem. Due to the magic and mojo of my uncle Tim, he was able to fix it without my spending of lots of money since it was out of warranty. By the way, Microsoft Word did not recognize mojo as a word; I had to add it in my dictionary. Can you believe that?
Anyway, while my hiatus took place with my personal laptop and the lack of an overall connection to the general Internet world, I found myself in some crazy and perplexing situations.
The catalyst to my crazy life was that I joined a band. They call themselves A Clever Salutation. They originally were called Deflowered in Chicago, then they went with The Progressive Libido, after that it was The Nap-Takers and the singer thought that was “gay.” The lead singer then left and the remaining band decided to be called The Beach Boys Grew Up but that didn’t look good on posters, so they went with A Clever Salutation because the bassist used to write thank you letters for a community foundation and said she came up with “a clever salutation” that later got her fired. She never explained what that clever salutation was but the rest of the band seemed pleased with it. I don’t think much of the title.
With the lead singer leaving the band, they recruited a new person who goes by the name Deirdre and that’s it. She said she wanted the band to be as if Patti Smith had founded the Cure and wrote lyrics that were compared to Don Henley (but early post-Eagles break up). It all sounded ambitious but they managed to pull it off.
I was at a coffee shop and the drummer and guitarist were sitting at a table behind me and they liked the percussions of my fingers banging against the table. They asked me if I had played any instruments and I said “No, but I’ve seen The Sound of Music, like a million times.” They handed me a tambourine and there I was, at band practice for A Clever Salutation.
By the time I had joined, they released one full-length album called The Children of Ted Kennedy. I am not sure what Ted Kennedy had to do with the title, but the band explained it was an inside joke with them and the lead singer who left. But they still haven’t actually gone into detail about what the inside joke was specifically. So, by the time I joined, they were working on another album that was supposed to “put Charles Dickens to shame” as Deirdre put it.
While I was playing a mean tambourine, I noticed something odd about the songs that were being played. They were covers of 50 Cent songs with choruses from New Edition. I called Deirdre on this but she “just had no idea.” She then came back with new songs, but all the words were text from Jack Kerouac’s On the Road. Again, I called her on this, but the rest of the band thought that this was pretty cool. We all decided that the album would be based on the book. However, Deirdre wanted the album to be called “The Best of Times, the Worst of Times” so we “could give Dickens a run for his money.” It made no sense but, of course, I did nothing about it.
By the end of September, we were able to get a gig in some town I didn’t know existed. It was somewhere between Los Gatos and Stockton. We opened for a band called Splendor 460. I asked the singer what that meant, and he said, “If you have to ask, you’re better off not knowing.”
The crowd was pretty decent; for a small venue, there were about sixty people there. Deirdre passed around the set list for all of us. The first song on the list was “Joan Haverty was a Lesbian.” Charming, I know. However, when we actually started, Deirdre began singing “Keep Holding On” by the Thompson Twins. The rest of the band went along with it. I had no idea what was happening!
I managed to slip off stage without anyone noticing (this goes well with my self esteem). I went to the bar and met a guy named Harold. He just got back from his weekly meeting with the “Next Dark Side” club. Harold and his friends gather every Thursday evening and take a random album and a random movie and synch the album with the movie to see if there is anything that connects (as in seen in Wizard of Oz mixed with Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon). When I met him at the bar, he said they just tried the soundtrack to Phenomenon (the Travolta movie) with Minority Report. Harold explained they were hoping for a Scientology connection. But no such luck.
So, then last weekend my computer was fixed. I told Deirdre that I just couldn’t be a part of the band. I wished them luck and, now, here I am: back with the Internet world.
Like Ripley, I will let you choose to believe it or not.
Now, on to lighter things; I have been away. My laptop was down due to a corruption in the internal colonel. Not my language, but that seemed to be the problem. Due to the magic and mojo of my uncle Tim, he was able to fix it without my spending of lots of money since it was out of warranty. By the way, Microsoft Word did not recognize mojo as a word; I had to add it in my dictionary. Can you believe that?
Anyway, while my hiatus took place with my personal laptop and the lack of an overall connection to the general Internet world, I found myself in some crazy and perplexing situations.
The catalyst to my crazy life was that I joined a band. They call themselves A Clever Salutation. They originally were called Deflowered in Chicago, then they went with The Progressive Libido, after that it was The Nap-Takers and the singer thought that was “gay.” The lead singer then left and the remaining band decided to be called The Beach Boys Grew Up but that didn’t look good on posters, so they went with A Clever Salutation because the bassist used to write thank you letters for a community foundation and said she came up with “a clever salutation” that later got her fired. She never explained what that clever salutation was but the rest of the band seemed pleased with it. I don’t think much of the title.
With the lead singer leaving the band, they recruited a new person who goes by the name Deirdre and that’s it. She said she wanted the band to be as if Patti Smith had founded the Cure and wrote lyrics that were compared to Don Henley (but early post-Eagles break up). It all sounded ambitious but they managed to pull it off.
I was at a coffee shop and the drummer and guitarist were sitting at a table behind me and they liked the percussions of my fingers banging against the table. They asked me if I had played any instruments and I said “No, but I’ve seen The Sound of Music, like a million times.” They handed me a tambourine and there I was, at band practice for A Clever Salutation.
By the time I had joined, they released one full-length album called The Children of Ted Kennedy. I am not sure what Ted Kennedy had to do with the title, but the band explained it was an inside joke with them and the lead singer who left. But they still haven’t actually gone into detail about what the inside joke was specifically. So, by the time I joined, they were working on another album that was supposed to “put Charles Dickens to shame” as Deirdre put it.
While I was playing a mean tambourine, I noticed something odd about the songs that were being played. They were covers of 50 Cent songs with choruses from New Edition. I called Deirdre on this but she “just had no idea.” She then came back with new songs, but all the words were text from Jack Kerouac’s On the Road. Again, I called her on this, but the rest of the band thought that this was pretty cool. We all decided that the album would be based on the book. However, Deirdre wanted the album to be called “The Best of Times, the Worst of Times” so we “could give Dickens a run for his money.” It made no sense but, of course, I did nothing about it.
By the end of September, we were able to get a gig in some town I didn’t know existed. It was somewhere between Los Gatos and Stockton. We opened for a band called Splendor 460. I asked the singer what that meant, and he said, “If you have to ask, you’re better off not knowing.”
The crowd was pretty decent; for a small venue, there were about sixty people there. Deirdre passed around the set list for all of us. The first song on the list was “Joan Haverty was a Lesbian.” Charming, I know. However, when we actually started, Deirdre began singing “Keep Holding On” by the Thompson Twins. The rest of the band went along with it. I had no idea what was happening!
I managed to slip off stage without anyone noticing (this goes well with my self esteem). I went to the bar and met a guy named Harold. He just got back from his weekly meeting with the “Next Dark Side” club. Harold and his friends gather every Thursday evening and take a random album and a random movie and synch the album with the movie to see if there is anything that connects (as in seen in Wizard of Oz mixed with Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon). When I met him at the bar, he said they just tried the soundtrack to Phenomenon (the Travolta movie) with Minority Report. Harold explained they were hoping for a Scientology connection. But no such luck.
So, then last weekend my computer was fixed. I told Deirdre that I just couldn’t be a part of the band. I wished them luck and, now, here I am: back with the Internet world.
Like Ripley, I will let you choose to believe it or not.
1 comment:
You think Clever Salutation wants to play a show at Old I with us? We're always into obscure research-centric high-concept bands, and all the real bands I know of are busy not playing shows with us...
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